Saturday, February 4, 2012

A History of Dating: Part Three

As soon as I graduated from college, I took off to start a new chapter of my life in Washington, DC. I loved everything about being the city: the job, the culture, the people, and the yoga on every corner did not hurt. I often refer to DC as some of the best years of my life because it truly was. There was also a lot going on underneath the surface. My getting off the rollercoaster with Tony Harris took me almost a year to get used to. There was not anyone to ask me about my day or share my life with. At twenty-two, I had embarked on a brave new journey… all by myself. 

Somewhere around the end of the year, I decided that I would finally give a relationship a chance. I choose to finally be with Scott, the brother of my best friend. Scott and I had an odd sort of a relationship. He had asked me to be with him about a year before I met Tony but I had a dozen hesitations and when it came down to it, I could not do it. While home for New Years, I chose to spend the holiday with my best friend, her husband and Scott. In my head, this was perfect timing for me to tell Scott what I had been thinking and get on with this relationship. One problem arose, much to my surprise, he was no longer single. Just before we rang in the new year, the new girl walked in through the door. The rest of the night ended with the new girl staying over while I slept on the couch, with his dog. In the morning, I awoke feeling heartbroken. After an hour of talking it through with him, I left still crying with snot coming from places that I did not know existed.  Looking back, my heart was not really into being with him. I wanted to not be so alone and I thought I picked out the best option. Unfortunately, you cannot just up and make those kinds of decisions.

Still fresh from the Scott situation, I began talking to a guy friend, who I refer to as Crazy, from my hometown. One thing led to another and soon he was visiting me in DC and I was going to South Carolina to visit him. At the time, Crazy said all of the things that I wanted to hear so I dove in. There were signs that it was all wrong but I forged ahead, determined not to have another relationship failure on the books. On a visit to see him in South Carolina, things turned ugly quick and before I knew it, an argument turned into me being left at Walmart with my car. I was seconds from a breakdown. When you are having this many emotions, a girl needs to phone a friend. Only my phone was dead. So I pulled into a gas station and asked if I could borrow a plug.  And there I was, sitting on the floor of a jiffy, crying near the nacho pump cheese station.

With all that had happened with Tony, Scott and Crazy, I needed a hiatus from dating. I remained emotionally challenged for the next year. In rare moments, all of the emotions I was bottling up would get the best of me but then I would pull it together and go on about my day. After two years in DC, I moved to Georgia for grad school. During my first semester, a professor told us that in order to truly help students we would need to face all of the skeletons in our own closet. I figured it was time to dig in to all of the stuff I was carrying around. Once I did, it just started to flow out of me. I have never cried so much in my whole life. I found a new level of honesty and a lot of acceptance. The hiatus made me stop looking outward and find fulfillment from inside of myself.

Up Next...Where I am now

2 comments:

Big Apple Angie said...

On the floor of the Jiffy next to the Pump Cheese. Girl, we have all been there!

LOVE YOU! Love this series!

Jessica said...

Thanks for reading along!