Monday, February 6, 2012

A History of Dating: Reflections

While I started my career in students affairs, a lot of my college friends were getting married and starting families. My life that did not include any of that and I found it challenging to really connect with those friends. The dissonance was a blessing because it gave me some much need reflection time. I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing for me. I did not need for it to be validated or understood by anyone else. I was closed off to the possibility of a relationship because I wanted a little room to breathe. I had not been being true to me or the things that I wanted in a partner and I knew it. The brutal truth was I had gone looking for all the wrong things and every minute of it felt like water torture. I no longer felt interested in the filler guy or someone to just go on a date with. If I was going to venture back into dating, I wanted it to be for a genuine connection. 

Along the way, I have learned a great deal... I absolutely believe in love but I think it is not something that can be forced. It comes in its own time. Vulnerability is something that I work at everyday. Trust takes time. I do not always have it together even if I am sporting a smile on my face. I am incredibly loyal. Some day I want to be a momma and would like someone to share my life with. I am thankful for my history and hope that I always find the courage for what is next. We do not always get it right but I think that is good because it makes the moments we do all that much sweeter. I have never lost confidence in myself or the life I have chosen, it may look different but it is just the way I hoped it would be.

Several years later, I am still single. While I have no idea what the future holds for me or if there will be my own version of a Johnny (Dirty Dancing reference), I am really good with me. Your twenties are just this tumultuous love affair filled with the times of your life and the moments that just make you cry. I would not do anything different because all of it has brought me to this point. The rest is still unwritten.
"She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful"

1 comment:

Rosa said...

Really enjoyed all of these!