While I started my career in students affairs, a lot of my college friends were getting married and starting families. My life that did not include any of that and I found it challenging to really connect with those friends. The dissonance was a blessing because it gave me some much need reflection time. I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing for me. I did not need for it to be validated or understood by anyone else. I was closed off to the possibility of a relationship because I wanted a little room to breathe. I had not been being true to me or the things that I wanted in a partner and I knew it. The brutal truth was I had gone looking for all the wrong things and every minute of it felt like water torture. I no longer felt interested in the filler guy or someone to just go on a date with. If I was going to venture back into dating, I wanted it to be for a genuine connection.
Along the way, I have learned a great deal... I absolutely believe in love but I think it is not something that can be forced. It comes in its own time. Vulnerability is something that I work at everyday. Trust takes time. I do not always have it together even if I am sporting a smile on my face. I am incredibly loyal. Some day I want to be a momma and would like someone to share my life with. I am thankful for my history and hope that I always find the courage for what is next. We do not always get it right but I think that is good because it makes the moments we do all that much sweeter. I have never lost confidence in myself or the life I have chosen, it may look different but it is just the way I hoped it would be.
Several years later, I am still single. While I have no idea what the future holds for me or if there will be my own version of a Johnny (Dirty Dancing reference), I am really good with me. Your twenties are just this tumultuous love affair filled with the times of your life and the moments that just make you cry. I would not do anything different because all of it has brought me to this point. The rest is still unwritten.