Jenga and Margaritas

My friend, Mallory, and I made a pact at the beginning of the year. We committed to two outings/adventures a month to explore our fabulous city, meet new people and have some good ole fun.

Feeling the need for mexican food and margaritas, we started the night off by enjoying a scrumptious meal at The Lime in South Tampa. Mal had a delish strawberry margarita and I drank a skinny margarita, which is basically tequila with a splash of club soda and lime. Our drinks were amazing and gave us high hopes for our supper. We split their signature appetizer that includes queso, guacamole and salsa followed by a chicken burrito. Needless to say, we were stuffed because the food did not disappoint.

After dinner, we walked about a mile up the road to Yard of Ale. The best thing about this bar is the large games they have. People were busy chatting and playing jenga or connect 4. We staked our claim on a jenga section and proceeded to rock the game for the next few hours. The night was just a blast. We even met these two cute couples who joined in with us for jenga fun and good conversation.

Of course, the night would not be complete without having one, if not many, student affairs moments. The downfall to your training for our field is that it becomes a part of who you are and it doesn't quite shut off. Mal and I determined that when at a bar being hit on by two semi-drunken guys, these are the signs that you work in student affairs:

1. You ask where he went to college to ensure that he is not currently a student.
2. You seize up inside when he says "homo".
3. You use the word "engagement" at a bar and it is not in reference to a proposal.

Even though our brains were still turning, we were able to put aside our work hat and have a great time. This evening will need to be repeated very soon!

where dreams are made of

 
A few weeks ago, I jetted to New York to visit my friend Kathryn. She and I go way back to my DC days when she interned at the non-profit I worked with. We maintain our friendship by making sure to get on a plane to see each other at least once a year. Washington, DC has become our meet up place but this year I decided that it was time to see her new home in New Jersey. We had a fabulous weekend full of long chats, watching Bones and exploring New York City.

 

Once I arrived, we had a hearty breakfast and hopped on the bus to venture into the city. Our first stop was to popbar, a delectable gelateria located on Carmine Street at 6th Avenue. They make gelato fresh daily and use only the best ingredients. During the winter, popbar features the most amazing hot chocolate. You choose your type of chocolate (milk, dark or white) and then something heavenly occurs in your cup. You are given a bar of chocolate in freshly steamed milk. Then the swirling begins to slowly melt your chocolate bar. Did I mention that this was heavenly?

Armed with deliciousness in our hands, we strolled to Chelsea Market taking in unique things on the street and popping in to some stores along the way. I especially enjoyed this beautiful 9/11 Memorial on a fence, lined with ceramics from across the country.

After taking in the streets, we wandered through Chelsea Market. Literally, I could probably live inside this place because it is filled with all of my favorite things.. Anthropologie, wine, cupcakes, olive oil & balsamic vinegar filling station, fresh seafood market, and coffee shop. We explored every inch of the market, enjoying all of the unique treasures we found and people around us.

One of my absolute favorite things about a city is that people are out. Not just out running errands but out engaged in conversations with friends, tucked away in a book or enjoying a bite to eat. When I lived in DC I always felt comforted by being surrounded by people. There are no tacky strip malls or a dozen chain restaurants on every corner. Cities have unique characters in their people and places that just warm me up.

After getting our fill of exploring we decided to ventured into Colicchio & Sons to watch the sunset and toast our weekend together. This setting also created the stage for a special moment for me when Kath asked if I would be one of her bridesmaids. She has remained one of my closest friends for so many years and I cannot wait to share in her special day right there beside her.

We capped the evening by eating pizza with friends and watching football. Of course, some late night Bones watching occurred as well. In the morning, we slept in, quite late I might add, and took off to the city again. We ate scrumptious burgers at 5 Napkin Burger and split a peanut butter shake at the Shake Shack. After freezing our tails off walking around Times Square, we escaped indoors and caught a movie.

Kathryn scored us tickets at the Upright Citizen Brigade Theater. If you are in NYC, this is an absolute must! We had so much fun at the theater. People stand in line for hours because it is just that good, no lie.

Rent is BACK!!

We spent my last night in NYC strolling the streets and enjoying the excitement in Times Square. On Monday morning, we awoke early to grab a bite at Turning Point in Hoboken before I caught my flight. We had a delicious breakfast right on the waterfront overlooking the NYC skyline. I had an amazing caramel latte and a great reflective chat (that gave way to the dating series) with Kath. The trip was just perfect, packed with quality time with one of my best girls.

A History of Dating: Reflections

While I started my career in students affairs, a lot of my college friends were getting married and starting families. My life that did not include any of that and I found it challenging to really connect with those friends. The dissonance was a blessing because it gave me some much need reflection time. I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing for me. I did not need for it to be validated or understood by anyone else. I was closed off to the possibility of a relationship because I wanted a little room to breathe. I had not been being true to me or the things that I wanted in a partner and I knew it. The brutal truth was I had gone looking for all the wrong things and every minute of it felt like water torture. I no longer felt interested in the filler guy or someone to just go on a date with. If I was going to venture back into dating, I wanted it to be for a genuine connection. 

Along the way, I have learned a great deal... I absolutely believe in love but I think it is not something that can be forced. It comes in its own time. Vulnerability is something that I work at everyday. Trust takes time. I do not always have it together even if I am sporting a smile on my face. I am incredibly loyal. Some day I want to be a momma and would like someone to share my life with. I am thankful for my history and hope that I always find the courage for what is next. We do not always get it right but I think that is good because it makes the moments we do all that much sweeter. I have never lost confidence in myself or the life I have chosen, it may look different but it is just the way I hoped it would be.

Several years later, I am still single. While I have no idea what the future holds for me or if there will be my own version of a Johnny (Dirty Dancing reference), I am really good with me. Your twenties are just this tumultuous love affair filled with the times of your life and the moments that just make you cry. I would not do anything different because all of it has brought me to this point. The rest is still unwritten.

"She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful"

A History of Dating: Part Three

As soon as I graduated from college, I took off to start a new chapter of my life in Washington, DC. I loved everything about being the city: the job, the culture, the people, and the yoga on every corner did not hurt. I often refer to DC as some of the best years of my life because it truly was. There was also a lot going on underneath the surface. My getting off the rollercoaster with Tony Harris took me almost a year to get used to. There was not anyone to ask me about my day or share my life with. At twenty-two, I had embarked on a brave new journey… all by myself. 

Somewhere around the end of the year, I decided that I would finally give a relationship a chance. I choose to finally be with Scott, the brother of my best friend. Scott and I had an odd sort of a relationship. He had asked me to be with him about a year before I met Tony but I had a dozen hesitations and when it came down to it, I could not do it. While home for New Years, I chose to spend the holiday with my best friend, her husband and Scott. In my head, this was perfect timing for me to tell Scott what I had been thinking and get on with this relationship. One problem arose, much to my surprise, he was no longer single. Just before we rang in the new year, the new girl walked in through the door. The rest of the night ended with the new girl staying over while I slept on the couch, with his dog. In the morning, I awoke feeling heartbroken. After an hour of talking it through with him, I left still crying with snot coming from places that I did not know existed.  Looking back, my heart was not really into being with him. I wanted to not be so alone and I thought I picked out the best option. Unfortunately, you cannot just up and make those kinds of decisions.

Still fresh from the Scott situation, I began talking to a guy friend, who I refer to as Crazy, from my hometown. One thing led to another and soon he was visiting me in DC and I was going to South Carolina to visit him. At the time, Crazy said all of the things that I wanted to hear so I dove in. There were signs that it was all wrong but I forged ahead, determined not to have another relationship failure on the books. On a visit to see him in South Carolina, things turned ugly quick and before I knew it, an argument turned into me being left at Walmart with my car. I was seconds from a breakdown. When you are having this many emotions, a girl needs to phone a friend. Only my phone was dead. So I pulled into a gas station and asked if I could borrow a plug.  And there I was, sitting on the floor of a jiffy, crying near the nacho pump cheese station.

With all that had happened with Tony, Scott and Crazy, I needed a hiatus from dating. I remained emotionally challenged for the next year. In rare moments, all of the emotions I was bottling up would get the best of me but then I would pull it together and go on about my day. After two years in DC, I moved to Georgia for grad school. During my first semester, a professor told us that in order to truly help students we would need to face all of the skeletons in our own closet. I figured it was time to dig in to all of the stuff I was carrying around. Once I did, it just started to flow out of me. I have never cried so much in my whole life. I found a new level of honesty and a lot of acceptance. The hiatus made me stop looking outward and find fulfillment from inside of myself.

Up Next...Where I am now

A History of Dating: Part Two

 

Then Came Love

A few weeks after Lee, I left the bad boys behind and started dating Randall. He was intelligent, funny, a little shy, and incredibly talented on the ball field or with an instrument in his hand. He was my best friend, confidant and the first boy I ever loved. For three and a half years, we had a pretty solid relationship. He showed me what it meant to love someone else and the security that comes from having someone in your corner. We adored each other and I was perfectly content on the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. One of the things that I appreciated about our relationship was the support we gave each other to explore our interests. Unfortunately, we (or maybe just me) got so good at exploring independently of each other that we ended up disconnected and unable to find our way back. Randall wanted to build a life in our hometown and I wanted to get out and see the world. Our relationship quickly became a battle over him being upset that I never seemed to have time for him and my hounding him to apply for college. After two months of constant fighting, I called it quits on our relationship while on vacation in Hawaii… over email (definitely not my finest hour). I learned that no matter how great they are, some relationships are just not meant to last forever. I am so incredibly thankful for having had him in my life for that time. It was brutal losing my best friend and his family but in the end it was the best decision for both of us. I remain fond of my time with him because there is just something special about your first love.

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For the next few years, I focused on school and things I was passionate about. I discovered that you could hang out with boys you liked without actually being their girlfriend; after years of having a boyfriend that seemed like an appealing option to me. During the fall of my junior year of college, I met Tony Harris and he halted my “love them and leave them” approach when he asked me to go to the homecoming dance. I was not so sure about him in the beginning because I was very busy living my life but he was persistent throughout the week of homecoming and by the end of it, we were dating. Tony seemed to engulf me with his charming, life of the party personality. He was intelligent, driven and quite sweet to me. There was something about him that put me at ease and made me nervous all at the same time. It was not long before my days started and ended with him by my side. I just wanted to open up my whole heart to him but I had been planning to spend the spring semester in Washington, DC so we agreed to enjoy our time together and not to get too invested in a relationship. Unfortunately, my heart did not get on board with the plan. After a great semester together, I struggled when our relationship faded away as I left for the city.

When I returned from DC, I realized that my feelings for Tony had remained the same but he was living up his college years so we agreed that we would just be friends. Throughout my senior year, Tony and I continued to spend a lot of time together. The problem with two people who care about each other trying to be just friends is that you never quite have clear boundaries. And the problem for me being friends with someone I liked was that there were other girls, lots of other girls that cycled through. It began to feel like I was the girl waiting in the wings hoping that one day he would wake up, realize how stellar I was and choose me. Sometimes the person that you love and want to be with just does not reciprocate those feelings. After two semesters of what seemed like a roller coaster, I got off of the ride.

Stay tuned for part three!
 
Click here to read part one.

A History of Dating: Part One

Source: forum.xcitefun.net via Jessica on Pinterest

First Came Boys

I was pretty much crazy about boys for the minute that I noticed them in preschool. One particular boy caught my attention on the playground and the next thing I knew I was getting a talking to from my Momma about how it was not appropriate to kiss boys at school.  My first “boyfriend” was a family friend named Ryan who proposed to me with a ring out of the bubble gum machine in kindergarten. 

In 4^th grade, I discovered how to flirt and used it on my first crush, Matthew Allen. My success in flirting with Matthew led to elementary years that were occupied with many of crushes, long phone calls about nothing at all, and perfecting my skills in penning a love note.

By the 6^th grade, I had fully developed (girls, you know what I mean) and began to catch the attention of older boys which is the time period of dating that I call “the older the better”. My daddy was coaching my older brother’s baseball team and that created the ideal opportunity for my dating life. Boy, did I go through them.  I had my first kiss with a boy named Justin behind the concession stand at the ballpark. I know, I was way too young to be kissing but this is what happens when you are going with older boys.

In 7^th grade, I won the attention of a popular boy named Russell (who is now like a brother so it seems gross) and a whole group of girls who tried to beat me up daily because he liked me instead of them. I learned how cruel other girls could be and how much I liked being with someone who was protective of me, even though I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Clearly. Russell punched Chris for commenting on my behind. He got suspended and I got to go to the end of the year dance with his best friend instead.

In middle school, I discovered the bad boys. I was the ultimate good girl so, naturally, they were the perfect fit for me. I started going with Chris (yep, the same one Russell punched) who was surprisingly amazing to me but the allure of the bad boy had set in and I boyfriend hopped until I settled on Lee.  Daddy loathed Lee and forbid me to go out with him so, of course, I rebelled and experience my first bad relationship. Lee and I went out for six long months. In the beginning, everything was great (as it always is) and then it turned into a jealous, controlling mess. I began to lie to my friends and family to be able to see him and tried to paint the picture of a great relationship. In the end, I became a desperate, self-conscious, unhappy mess until Lee finally broke up with me after I hung up the phone on him one night during an argument.  Somewhere around making myself throw up my dinner and crying myself to sleep, I got myself together and vowed to never let anyone control my life again.

And then came love...

a few of my favorite things

{Image Courtesy: Lyla & Blue}

Pecorino Romano Cheese

Triangle Yoga Pose

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These Dresses

Drive In Movies