Then Came Love
A few weeks after Lee, I left the bad boys behind and started dating Randall. He was intelligent, funny, a little shy, and incredibly talented on the ball field or with an instrument in his hand. He was my best friend, confidant and the first boy I ever loved. For three and a half years, we had a pretty solid relationship. He showed me what it meant to love someone else and the security that comes from having someone in your corner. We adored each other and I was perfectly content on the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. One of the things that I appreciated about our relationship was the support we gave each other to explore our interests. Unfortunately, we (or maybe just me) got so good at exploring independently of each other that we ended up disconnected and unable to find our way back. Randall wanted to build a life in our hometown and I wanted to get out and see the world. Our relationship quickly became a battle over him being upset that I never seemed to have time for him and my hounding him to apply for college. After two months of constant fighting, I called it quits on our relationship while on vacation in Hawaii… over email (definitely not my finest hour). I learned that no matter how great they are, some relationships are just not meant to last forever. I am so incredibly thankful for having had him in my life for that time. It was brutal losing my best friend and his family but in the end it was the best decision for both of us. I remain fond of my time with him because there is just something special about your first love.
For the next few years, I focused on school and things I was passionate about. I discovered that you could hang out with boys you liked without actually being their girlfriend; after years of having a boyfriend that seemed like an appealing option to me. During the fall of my junior year of college, I met Tony Harris and he halted my “love them and leave them” approach when he asked me to go to the homecoming dance. I was not so sure about him in the beginning because I was very busy living my life but he was persistent throughout the week of homecoming and by the end of it, we were dating. Tony seemed to engulf me with his charming, life of the party personality. He was intelligent, driven and quite sweet to me. There was something about him that put me at ease and made me nervous all at the same time. It was not long before my days started and ended with him by my side. I just wanted to open up my whole heart to him but I had been planning to spend the spring semester in Washington, DC so we agreed to enjoy our time together and not to get too invested in a relationship. Unfortunately, my heart did not get on board with the plan. After a great semester together, I struggled when our relationship faded away as I left for the city.
When I returned from DC, I realized that my feelings for Tony had remained the same but he was living up his college years so we agreed that we would just be friends. Throughout my senior year, Tony and I continued to spend a lot of time together. The problem with two people who care about each other trying to be just friends is that you never quite have clear boundaries. And the problem for me being friends with someone I liked was that there were other girls, lots of other girls that cycled through. It began to feel like I was the girl waiting in the wings hoping that one day he would wake up, realize how stellar I was and choose me. Sometimes the person that you love and want to be with just does not reciprocate those feelings. After two semesters of what seemed like a roller coaster, I got off of the ride.
Stay tuned for part three!
Click here to read part one.
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