Book Review: The Darkest Corners

Let me introduce you to a page turner, The Darkest Corners by Kara Thomas. My book club chose this read for our May gathering. I opened and finished it within four days. It has twists at every turn and keeps surprising you in the best ways. I've been itching for a book that makes you hungry to finish it,  you know the ones, and it just hit the spot.

The story takes place in Pennsylvania and is told from the perspective of Tessa, who brings in layers of family dynamics, brokenness, and courage that you connect with from the beginning. As you read you discover that she and her childhood best friend, Callie, testified as witnesses to a  murder as children and haven't spoken since. There is intrigue around whether or not their story was accurate, what actually happened to Callie's cousin, who was the victim, and a towns worth of gossip to keep you guessing at every corner.

Throughout the book, you are learning about family dynamics, secrets kept by friends, healing, and the lives that happen in small towns without the knowledge of others. I was on the edge of every page and gasped out loud at the end when all the layers had been removed and the full story presented itself.

I am eager to get to book club so we can devour every chapter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

What is on your summer reading list?

Looking for great reads? Join me as I share books on my shelf and what I am currently reading. Follow along on instagram, #ReadWithGrits.

A Perfect Day...

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I finally picked up a book that I have been waiting to read entitled, The Art of Non-Conformity: Set your own rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the Word by Chris Guillebeau. In the book, Guillebeau dares his readers to create their world according to how they want to live. Clearly, this sentiment is right up my alley and I am thoroughly enjoying the thoughts that are being provoked from reading these pages.

The first exercise is to articulate your perfect day. Guillebeau asks that you describe this day in great detail, beginning to end. The idea is that once you are aware of the life you want, you should craft plans to get closer to living this perfect day. When I read the exercise I laughed because I had just had this "what would your perfect day be?" conversation a few days before. The first time I answered this question, my answer was a rambling hot mess (partly because the person I was discussing it with had such a great answer that it made me flustered) but when I was executing this exercise, I really just let my mind wander and explore this idea.

On my perfect day...

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I would wake up at 7:30am, not because the alarm is ringing but because it is already a gorgeous day outside and the sun in shinning through my windows. Still a little groggy, I roll over to cuddle for a bit with my husband before rising out of bed to make breakfast. When my feet hit the floor, I realize that it is turning fall because I feel a slight chill in the air. In our little cottage on the lake, I look out the window to the water as I prepare coffee. By 8:30am, I am drinking a cup of coffee while reading the Saturday morning paper or catching up on blogs. The kitchen would smell like bacon and I would scramble egg whites mixed with bell pepper to compliment our meal. Over breakfast, my husband and I would discuss our plans for the day before setting off on our own adventures. I would take in a morning hot yoga class followed by a trip to the farmers market to pick up fresh veggies for the week. Afterwards, I return home for a little lite lunch - salad greens with red onion, cucumber, bell pepper, and red wine vinegar. I would enjoy my salad outside on the porch soaking up the sunshine. After lunch, the mister would come home and we would spend a little quality time together out on the boat or going for a run. There would be no cell phones or television, just the two of us enjoying the afternoon together. Around 6pm, we would turn on our favorite music to prepare a little supper for a few friends and/or family members. My husband would cook some meat on the grill while I roasted up some veggies inside and talked with my favorite girls. After supper, we would build a small bonfire to roast smores and enjoy conversation with the people closest to us. At 9:00pm, we would say goodbye to our last guest and decide that all of the dishes could wait until the morning. My husband would pull me in close to kiss me and suggest that we get in a little practice making that baby we keep talking about having.

Exercises such as these are kind of easy for me, I am the ultimate idealist and could get lost in my imagination for hours until my logic rears its head and I get it together. When I was writing this perfect day, it surprised me to find that so much of it involved a partner. After all, I am the girl who is perpetually perfectly okay with being alone. I guess that I am moving into a new phase. I could be ready to create space for somebody else in my life. I have no clue what that looks like but I am open, for a change, to the possibility.

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Bring on the Books.....

"Keep the old coat and buy the new book"

I have a ritual of creating a list of the books I want to read for the upcoming year. Thanks to my book club, I carved out a lot of time to read last year and I found it thoroughly enjoyable and good for my soul. I am looking forward to the pages that await me....

Please leave suggestions or tell me what is on your list.

2011 Reading List

Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women
Mockingbird: A Portrait of Harper Lee
Emily Post's Biography
Social Intelligence

The Fixer Upper

Magnolia Wednesdays

Living Out Loud

The Summer We Read Gatsby

Hunger Game Series

"Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?"

Look Me in the Eye: My Life With Asperger's

Scout, Atticus, and Boo

Little Earthquakes

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story

The books that my wonderful Book Club ladies choose

If you are looking for some ideas for your reading list, here are a few that continue to top my list:

The Help

Pride & Prejudice
To Kill A Mockingbird
The Best Day of Someone Else's Life
I Never Fancied Him Anyway
In A Different Voice
Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy
Uglies, Pretties, and Specials - Scott Westerfield Series

Hip Tranquil Chick

You Are Your Choices

The Art and Power of Being a Lady

The Southern Lady: From Pedestals to Politics

Girls in Trucks

Good in Bed & Certain Girls

Love Walked In

All Jennifer Crusie, Pamela Morsi, and Mary Kay Andrews... they are a wonderful guilty pleasure

The Mermaid Chair

Water for Elephants

Slowing Down to the Speed of Life

"To read is to fly: it is to soar to a point of vantage which gives a view over wide terrains of history, human variety, ideas, shared experience and the fruits of many inquiries."

Book Review: The 5 Love Languages

For years I have been meaning to read Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages. Over time I have read passages and gotten the general themes but never really invested in reading the book. This weekend I pulled it off the bookshelf, sat down with a glass of wine and dove in. While the book is based on martial relationships, I believe that it is transferable to most relationships we are connected to.

The basis is that each of us have a language we use to communicate love and want to receive it. The trick is to understanding our own and the person's that we are in the relationship with. Chapman discovered the 5 languages after years of counseling couples. He determines them to be: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I always assumed that Physical Touch would be my language because I am a touchy cuddly person. The assessment identified Words of Affirmation as my primary with Physical Touch and Quality Time being tied for my secondary languages. All of these are completely true for how I equate someone loving me and often how I show love to others. Words of Affirmation took me by surprise but then as I reflected on it, I realized that when verbal/written communication is not coming from a partner or friend I often struggle to know how they feel. I am a communicator and I like for people to articulate their feelings as well. At work, I want a review. With friends and family, I always use cards as a way to express feelings for them. If you are diggin me romantically, you need to come out and say it.

I have this strong memory as a child, shortly after my parents divorced that I was talking on the phone with my Daddy and we hung up without him telling me he loved me. That particular day I was at my Granny's and I remember that I immediately started crying. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her Daddy didn't love me. Trying to calm me down she said of course he loves you and I responded with, but he didn't say it. Obviously, he loves me a great deal but it wouldn't have mattered if he brought me a present or spent hours with me, I needed him to say it, just so that I could be sure. I am sure that my Granny called him back because I got another phone call from him just to say he loved me. Long before I even could grasp what love was, I knew how it needed to be communicated to me. I would guess that all of us have these inherent ways we need to hear that someone loves us.

The book is helpful in realizing that we must communicate our language to those we are in relationships with and need them to communicate theirs. Absent of that, we will default to our preferred language and this can leave the other person without any idea of how committed we are to them. A person can do a lot of things to show me they care but if they tell me or even better, put it in writing, I am over the moon and completely confident in their feelings for me. Recently, I had breakfast with a distinguished alumni and his wife. The couple told us of how they went on their first date - he wrote her a letter asking her out. My students kind of laughed at me because I was like... oh, that is the best thing ever! Of course now it makes complete sense to me, I would find it appealing for someone to write me a note 1. to ask me out and 2. to express why they wanted to spend that kind of time with me. I always find myself able to trust someone when they communicate their feelings through words - now I understand it is because that is how I fill up my love tank. Around my house and in my office, you will find notes that were especially meaningful or validating for me. I go back to them time and again - they are sacred to me.

The book also frames relationships, specifically marriage, in a great way as a choice. He talks about how the "in love/obsession" phase of a relationship lasts about two years and then the reality of what we require emotionally surfaces and the choice of commitment begins because "it is fundamental to our nature". Beyond the obsession phase of a relationship, I often wonder how people can be married for 50 years and I love that Chapman talks about it as a choice we have to make every single day. He states "Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving." What a compelling concept. I have heard friends discuss marriage but no one ever really talks about the real life of it or how hard it is which has left me skeptical. After reading this book, this single gal really loved the way he frames marriage, a concept I can now totally grasp.

I am sure that understanding my language a bit better will enhance my relationships and I'll definitely be trying to figure out how those in my life need me to communicate that I love them.

"Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself"